Time For Change

written by Kris Costa

The hearts at Mindset are deeply saddened by recent events at Umpqua Community College.

Unfortunately, it is my belief that this will not be the last school shooting to take place. The rash of violence spreading across the nation against our schools and the innocents within is nothing short of evil.

My appreciation goes to the first responders, medical responders, crisis centers and others, whose grim tasks now include and necessitate drill upon drill of reacting to such domestic terrorist emergencies. No longer carrying an element of sheer surprise, these tragedies have become scenarios whose practiced responses are now a matter of protocol in our American culture. The re-enforced skill sets of our task forces, and other emergency preparedness teams and individuals have no doubt increased the likelihood of surviving such a horrifying scenario, however, much needs to be discussed and implemented to avert the terrorist act in the first place. It is not enough to deal with the after effects. These occurrences MUST be eliminated. It is my opinion that the most influential to facilitate effective change in our own schools lie with us, the civilian public.

I often wonder how many parents have asked the serious questions to our schools regarding  security and preventative measures, and if so asked, what are the responses?

Our government representatives and the like, will address various talking points around gun control, mental health, etc., all of which are vital and valid and necessary discussions to have,  for quite some time to come. However, let us not forget that it is not the government’s responsibility to appoint school security to all the schools in the nation and regulate it. Our Legislative branch will provide rules to govern society, and the Judicial branch will set ramifications when violations occur. The police and others will respond to such violations. However, the job of keeping our schools safe lie with us, the proactive general public. It simply is not acceptable or effective to wait around in fear for someone, or some other body of people, to do the job we need to be doing, which is stand up for safety of our youth and other personnel in schools.

If you are a parent, have you questioned your child’s school on security procedures? Do you know what the procedure is concerning lock down? Do you know if those procedures are drilled with any regularity? What situations are covered? Most importantly, how is the school addressing preventative measures? How is the school physically secured? Are there increased security measures in place?  Are there “No Gun Zone” signs posted? Does your school believe that is a deterrent? Would they consider additional preventative security measures if the budget for such could be supplemented? Would you pull your child/young adult out of the school if you were not satisfied with their answers? Is there a parent group formed and it is applying pressure  (and support) to the school to make the hard decisions and take serious action?

This is only the tip of the iceberg. Do your children know how to adapt to life where they hear about school shootings in the news regularly? Do they really feel safe? And there is so much more.

If it is not worth the effort to find the answers to the above, and more so, to do everything possible in our power to protect our children in school, then we may loose a lot more lives waiting for others to address these issues on our behalf. I believe in prevention, and it begins in our own neighborhoods. Speak up, form a collective, offer solutions, pressure the schools to respond, financially contribute. It’s not about who “should” be doing what, it is about doing the best we can and now. Lives matter.

There are so many facets to the issue of school violence and violence prevention. Enforcing physical boundaries against it, before it happens, may just be the easy part.

Here is the real question: If we could go back to the day before each school shooting, knowing what we know now, would there be one thing that could be done differently?  If the answer is no, then there is no need to pay attention to this post.

~KBC

Miss Demeanor-Real Eyes Realize

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Everyone has that one person that they look up to in their life; maybe you call this person your hero. My mother is by far the greatest woman I have ever known, and she has never steered me wrong. She always taught me never to judge anyone and accept people for who they are.

Admittedly, it was still a little difficult for me not to judge people when I approached my middle school years. I was at that awkward stage in my life where I was not yet a woman, but still a
child, and there was so much pressure from peers to fit into a certain mold. My confidence in myself was still developing and fragile. As you can imagine, it was difficult to stay true to myself when I would hear girls yell “her hair is too long” or “her hair is too thick” and “she’s fat” at me when I would walk into class.

My mother always taught me to keep an open mind, and my head up, and to break free from the criticism that young girls force upon each other every so often. Sometimes it was too hard. I would judge the people around me, because the people around me did the same, but does that make it right?

We have all been judged and have judged others. Our society revolves around judgments. In our humanly defense, we can’t really help it. Judging people comes second nature to most people, and we do it without even thinking. When we meet someone new,judgments on top of judgments begin to flood our minds. We consider all the physical characteristics and appearances of a person before we even finish introducing ourselves. No one is proud of it, but let’s face it… we are all guilty of the crime at one time or another.

The truth is that making judgments is just a part of life and helps us form opinions, but acting on them is a completely different story. It is normal, and we are somewhat conditioned to make assumptions about a person based on what they look like, but you have to keep an open mind with every person that you meet. Being a freshman in college, I meet new people everyday, and if I did not have an open mind, I would not have many friends.

Sometimes the people we initially judge the harshest, turn out to be our best friends. Our society prompts us to believe our first impressions and base harsh criticism on people, but often this is not a healthy way to live.

Her hair was jet black and her make-up was penciled dark around her eyes. She approached me, and I was instantly hesitant. I could not help but
to make judgments about her many facial piercings and dark clothing.

I assumed her personality was as dreary as her appearance. I also assumed that she and I would never be friends. Basically, l was full of assumptions based on my judgments. Maybe I looked strange and weird to her with my brown hair and neutral-colored clothing, (another assumption on my part)however, she did not let it show. If that was the case, shut her down because she did not fit my description of “normal.” But who was I to say what was normal?

Always, she approached me with the biggest smile on her face. I began to see something wonderful in the way this girl carried herself. It was as if she had no care in the world, about what other people thought of her and I envied that freedom. Her presence was light, and I soon came to love being around her.

I wondered how I had been living my life with such concrete parameters on the people that I met. Least to say, meeting her got me thinking.I wondered how many friends I had missed out on, how many people I judged and never got to know. I never would have guessed that this girl, pierced nose and black painted lips, would soon become one of my best friends. If I would have let my judgments continue to cloud my mind, I would have never let myself open up enough to get to know her.

We pass people everyday, in the grocery store or on the way to work, but are we really looking? We are all so busy with getting to school on time or whatever it may be, that we forget to look past our judgments. We forget to notice the wonderful individuality that exists in our world today.

Being a woman, there are many boundaries that need to be respected and never crossed. There are physical boundaries and there are mental boundaries that should never be disrespected. With that being said, I encourage you all to realize that there are some boundaries that should be broken; for example, the boundaries that we put on ourselves about judging people. Just because someone has purple hair or a huge tattoo across their arm does not mean they aren’t a great person. These physical characteristics say nothing negative about their character. If there is anything I have learned, it is this golden rule: don’t judge a book by its cover. I say this within reason. Do not confuse me with trusting your gut. If someone looks dangerous, that is
different than simply looking unique.

We all catch ourselves Judging at times, but many of us live our lives inside a bubble of judgments and assumptions on a regular basis. I challenge you to look at life with an open mind and break free from unjustified labeling. This simple task could change your life drastically.

If there is anything that I have earned from being a shy middle-schooler who is now a freshman in college, it is that judging a person simply by their appearance does no one any good. I encourage people of all ages to really consider cutting unnecessary judgments from your everyday routine. The world is a beautiful and diverse place!
-Alexandra Costa

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Alexandra was born in Red Bank, New Jersey and moved to Scottsdale, AZ with her family in 2002. She is currently pursuing her college degree in English and Psychology.

Modern Day Chivalry

Chivalry Cover

written by David Bravo

Romance novels and blockbuster movies have been written about men who are courageous, strong, disciplined, loyal, generous and honest. Such works move men deep in their souls, because many of us know we are not who we were born to be.

Chivalry, which may be defined as a code of conduct and rules for behavior of an individual or group, dates back to the Medieval period which lasted from the 5th to the 15th century in Europe. The Medieval period began when the Western Roman Empire collapsed, continued through the Renaissance Era and into the late Middle Ages. Chivalry is often associated with the title of knighthood, a rank of high honor conferred upon men by a monarch or other leader. During this period, knighthood was typically bestowed to horse-mounted warriors who exemplified military prowess, gallantry, unwavering loyalty, social fellowship and service to others.

Knights were closely linked with the Catholic church and displayed moral characteristics such as: honor, courtesy and love, and were expected to protect those who could not protect themselves, particularly elders, women and children. Additionally, knights were highly disciplined, honest, and respected the honor of women at all times.

Now that it is clear where chivalry came from and its premises, let’s investigate its application in modern day society.

First and foremost, I believe it is hard wired into every man by God Himself to have the heart of a warrior, as described above. God Himself is a warrior and has made men in His image. Sadly, it seems that many men do not recognize this aspect of their nature. Since we live in a nation that is heavily protected by so many of these modern day knights, the rest of us may believe that there is no need to be a knightly man. I would categorically disagree. On the contrary, we are in dire need of men to be knights now more than any other time in history.

We watch as traditional marriages decline and rates of domestic violence rise. We witness the objectification of women and watch as pornography becomes more and more accessible to our youth. Human sex trafficking is one of the quickest rising crimes today, both within and outside of our country’s borders, and illegal drugs are becoming legal. It is hard not to see the cause of the degradation of our society and our world, as the fall of man and our inability to live up to who we are all born to be. Can we not look at man and…read more here

I Challenge You!

…to get the stats!

If you picked up a newspaper, (ok, I am over 30) errr, or googled the news, or better yet, contacted your local police department, you probably would be shocked to see the amount of crime that is going on in your neighborhoods.  My office is in Scottsdale, AZ., so that’s what I checked. I simply entered “scottsdale violent crime statistics” in the search field and here is what I found:

2010 Crime Rate Indexes Scottsdale, AZ 85260 Arizona United States
Total Crime Risk 63 143 100
Murder Risk 58 144 100
Rape Risk 32 98 100
Robbery Risk 29 102 100
Assault Risk 33 112 100
Burglary Risk 66 139 100
Larceny Risk 48 127 100
Motor Vehicle Theft Risk 96 220 100

The data for Scottsdale, AZ 85260 may also contain data for the following areas: Scottsdale

“Crime Risk Index (100 = National Average): Index score for an area is compared to the national average of 100. A score of 200 indicates twice the national average total crime risk, while 50 indicates half the national risk. We encourage you to consult with a knowledgeable local real estate agent or contact the local police department for any additional information. Crime Indexes are based on numerous current and historical datasets as well as proprietary modeling algorithms which estimate values at more granular geographic levels when specific data is either unavailable or impractical to aggregate. While every effort is made to ensure accuracy, these are estimates and should only be used as a guide. For detailed information regarding crime and safety in a community, please contact local law enforcement agencies.”

Hmmm, although I am glad that Scottsdale falls under the national average in some crimes  (which we all know is too much to begin with) I wasn’t exactly pleased with the murder risk value. Burglary and rape didn’t exactly relax me either, nor did an overall crime risk of 63 which inched up toward the national average, and this is “Scottsdale”. Look at the rest of Arizona. Not too pretty at all.

Having moved here from NYC, I was wondering what was going on in that neck of the woods.  So I picked an affluent part of town located by Lincoln Center and the Julliard School to search next. Here is what I found there, and the comparison to Scottsdale.

2010 Crime Rate Indexes Scottsdale, AZ 85260 New York, NY 10023 United States
Total Crime Risk 63 133 100
Murder Risk 58 116 100
Rape Risk 32 80 100
Robbery Risk 29 432 100
Assault Risk 33 144 100
Burglary Risk 66 57 100
Larceny Risk 48 81 100
Motor Vehicle Theft Risk 96 111 100

If you live in Scottsdale, you may at first glance, think whew! (If you live in NYC this doesn’t surprise you, unless of course you live by Lincoln Center). However, Scottsdale, ask yourself two questions:

  1. Am I comfortable with the levels of crime that does exist in Scottsdale? Let’s face it, its not zero. And..
  2. Do I travel outside of Scottsdale, or do I live in a bubble?

I bet you’ve been to Tempe, a big college town as you probably know:

2010 Crime Rate Indexes Scottsdale, AZ 85260 Tempe, AZ United States
Total Crime Risk 63 162 100
Murder Risk 58 75 100
Rape Risk 32 117 100
Robbery Risk 29 115 100
Assault Risk 33 94 100
Burglary Risk 66 119 100
Larceny Risk 48 213 100
Motor Vehicle Theft Risk 96 288 100

OMG! Look at those numbers!  I am not saying this to scare you into taking care of your own personal safety and protection. I am saying it because it is happening. By the statistics in Scottsdale, 68% of you will not have a rape go to completion, however, 32% will! If you are in Tempe, the rape statistic goes up to 117, which is higher than NYC! Think again, where would you send your kids to school and what do we need to be teaching our girls??????

I want every woman to understand that learning to protect yourself is simply a VERY GOOD THING to know.

Stay safe out there, it’s Friday night. And we all know what alcohol and partying does to people’s judgment.

~KBC

 

Bringing Sexy Back!

Bringing Sexy Back!!!
Bringing Sexy Back!!!

Mindset Self-Defense Magazine is on a mission to help our daughters and sons experience dating the way it used to be.
Fun, sexy and never, ever easy! That’s what made it so great.

SO
Here’s the message:

Girls – want a great guy? Respect yourself!
Guys – want a great girl, man up and respect her!

Get to know each other, have fun, be friends, chase, flirt!
Take you time!
Great partners aren’t easy, or every one would have one.

Bring Sexy Back!

JOIN THE MINDSET MOVEMENT TO ENCOURAGE MUTUAL RESPECT BETWEEN MEN & WOMAN.
PROTECT OUR TEENS!

HELP SUPPORT OUR CAMPAIGN BY CLICKING ON OUR THUNDERCLAP!

https://www.thunderclap.it/projects/8884-bring-sexy-back-with-mindset?locale=en

THANK YOU!!!

Tough Decisions

“The liquid burns your innocent throat as it slowly makes its way from the bottle to the inside of your sober mouth. The first swig is tough, the second also does not come with ease, but with each swig the sting decreases along with your judgment. Your vision becomes blurry, your stride is not so steady and your mind is far from clear. You look around yourself and notice that most of your friends are in the same state as you are, if not worse. The party has died down and most of your fellow partiers are now coupled away in the bedroom or heaping heavily over a guest room toilet. You have come to the conclusion that everyone has had enough to drink, or maybe even a little too much.

roadview

Your thoughts, as you applied your make up prior to the party, was to simply have a good time and come home safely. Your thoughts now, inebriated and short of judgment, are scattered so far across your brain that even you can’t tell what they are. The only thing you are thinking of currently is getting home. As the thought of your comfortable bed dances through your brain, your car keys begin to tease you from inside your purse. They invite you to insert them in the car ignition and press your right foot to the gas; bring everyone to their beds. You know that this is a bad idea, although at the time it seems to be the easiest, but when is the easiest decision ever the best? No one wants to wait for a cab, no one wants to pay for a cab and conclusively, none of your friends want to even take cab. You are the most clear headed out of all your friends, although you really are not clear headed at all. It seems a unanimous vote has taken place, and the winner is you, you need to drive everyone home. Hey, you’re only a few blocks from home anyway, right?

You elude the thoughts in your head that encourage you to call home and tell your parents that you need to be picked up. You are scared of the consequences that they may implement if they were to find out you are stranded and drunk at a party. What you are not clearly thinking about enough, however, is the consequences that you may face if you drive while drunk. At first the idea of driving everyone home seems completely ridiculous, you have had way too much to drink and driving your car is just completely out of the question. You decide to call a cab and are put on hold for quite some time, how annoying this all seems to be. As the line holds, the idea of drunk driving rapidly becomes more and more appealing to you. Your stomach is hurting, your head is pounding and all you want to do is collapse onto your bed in the comfort of your own home. Your brain suggests that you call your parents, they always said to call them in an emergency,  but is this really an emergency? Calling your parents is just out of the question entirely; partying, drinking, and boys were not on the agenda you told your dad earlier this evening. Your friends are becoming ill beside you as your phone is still on hold; you become increasingly anxious and unsure of what to do. You begin to regret the drinking that you embarked on earlier and realize that this night was not thought through enough. You are frustrated and annoyed; before you even realize it, you’re on the highway, foot on the pedal and hazy eyes on the road in front of you….”

Everyone, at one point in their lives or another, adults included, think to themselves that nothing can happen to them. One commonality of the human condition, is that at times we believe that we are invincible. Most human beings prefer to be in control of things. For example, many people are afraid of flying. This would seem to be due to the fact that you are suspended in a large object and flying above solid ground, tens of thousands of feet in the air. For some, this is the reason that people are afraid of flying; but for the vast majority, what people are really scared of, is the lack of control over their lives. Many individuals would be completely comfortable flying thousands of feet above solid ground, if they were the ones in the cockpit. This relates to drunk driving in the sense that many people, especially teenagers, falsely believe that while being drunk they still have enough control to operate a moving vehicle. Warning to everyone who has a pulse on this planet; you are not “Superman” and you cannot drive anything while drunk!

Young adults are faced with tough decisions every day. They need support to make these decisions because it is not always easy to make healthy choices and it is especially difficult when you are young. We young people need the support and knowledge of those who have lived longer. Our parent’s mistakes not only to help them grow, but to help us grow. Teenagers should not be afraid to talk to their parents!!! I believe that I can speak for all parents, when I say that if you are drunk and at a party, call for help no matter how “grounded” you think you could be; whether it is a parent, a grandparent or even an older sibling, just call. Every twenty-two minutes a person is killed in an alcohol-related motor vehicle accident! (FirstEagle.com). If there is one thing that I have learned, as cheesy as it may sound, it is that your parents are your number one friends; they will have your back whenever you need it, they will pick you up when you are down lower then you ever thought possible and they will love you through even the worst of mistakes. The one thing your parents cannot do, is help you grow if you are dead. Drunk driving will not only kill you, but it can kill any other person on the road or in the car with you.

“You are driving steadily, for what it seems like a couple minutes. Your friends are loudly laughing in the backseat and you are having a hard time focusing. Your head is throbbing uncontrollably and you are beginning to swerve on the icy roads that lead to your house. As you turn around to tell your friends to be quiet, you feel an outrageous spark of pain and suddenly, everything becomes blank. The next time you open your eyes, you’re staring at a broken and blood spattered windshield. You painfully turn around, feeling each of your ribs grind against each other with extreme discomfort. It is at this moment that you begin to weep at the sight of your permanently silenced friends in the backseat of your now crumbled car”.

-ARC